BULLY GAME GIRL WEDGIE FULL

I’m the one tossing these would-be bullies around now. Runebear could only nick my stamina bar, and Radagon’s Red Wolf couldn’t interrupt a single swipe of my Grafted Blade Greatsword. But this time around, I’ve created a character that doesn’t put up with shit. In my first playthrough, I was a mere pest. Elden Ring is not only the newest in a legacy of games that act as crucibles to test your character builds, but also that legacy’s most approachable incarnation. Much of FromSoftware’s catalog has already done this to some extent, but The Lands Between is so packed with magical armor, mysterious armaments, and helpful NPCs that there are numerous ways to mount every hurdle. We’ve also praised Elden Ring’s willingness to encourage flexibility. Here at Polygon, we’ve lauded Elden Ring’s flexibility several times over. I had bullied the bully, and in doing so, I had become the very thing I used to hate. He crumpled to the ground and disappeared in a cloud of gold, and as I breathed a sigh of relief, I also felt a pang of pity. I one-shot Margit with the help of my Lone Wolf Ashes and my watermelon triceps, and blocked each of Godrick’s attacks before circling around to give him an atomic wedgie with my Omen Cleaver. I beat the living ass out of Leonine Misbegotten. I shield-bashed my way across the Weeping Peninsula. If this evergaol had a toilet, I would have given this guy a swirly Image: FromSoftware/Bandai Namco via Polygon By the time I had entered the open world, the block, counterattack, stun lock muscle memory had already come rushing back. I could also withstand - or at least mitigate - the vast majority of enemy attacks. Elden Ring’s heartiest starting class gave me an early edge in the Vigor department, and its Strength stat (second only to the Warrior class) meant I could pummel foes from the outset. I chose to restart as the Vagabond, and nostalgia kicked in immediately, taking me back to the first time I awoke in Dark Souls’ Northern Undead Asylum before finding a sword and shield with which to batter the zombie horde. I wanted to see this world, complete in all of its magisterial beauty, without clenching my teeth at every turn.

BULLY GAME GIRL WEDGIE FULL

I could have respecced with the Queen of the Full Moon’s help, but something about a fresh start seemed more appealing. When I came back to Elden Ring, I restarted completely. I got as far as beating Rennala before putting the game down to role-play as John Wick in Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands. Now, I’ve had six weeks away from the open-world epic. Although I eventually achieved victories, they were slim. Margit, Godrick, and Grave Warden Duelist were all jerks, and I could feel their joy as they tossed me around their respective arenas. Power stancing helped, yes, and hemorrhage weapons got me past my fair share of scraps. My valiant efforts to chip away at any opponent’s health felt like a toothpick poking a cinder block.

My first attempt at Elden Ring did not go well.

Bully game girl wedgie